all alone all alone all by myself

[planktondreamsquietly]

so last night bridget did a sleep study at mt auburn, leaving me with full run of the house from 8pm onwards. this was the first time i was left alone overnight in the apartment, and the longest b and i had been away from each other in a really long time (i think the last time might have been xmas, not sure). before b left, i thought i'd be ok and bridget thought i would wander aimlessly around the apartment.

bridget was right.

it's funny, normally i get up a fair bit earlier than b on the weekends. i'll catch up on email, tidy the apartment, work on music for a few hours - it's quite nice and comfortable. but last night was different. i couldn't really focus on anything. i re-watched a really wonderful episode of angel, and played around on my computer for a couple hours, not really accomplishing anything, got tired, and went to bed. alone. sigh.

of course a big part of my restlessness was because of all that's going on in b's life these days. beyond that, b and i almost always plan to do something together at night, and without her the evening rhythm was gone. it's amazing to see how someone so close to you fits into your life, tangibly and intangibly filling up the spaces you leave behind. even when you're doing something as simple as watching some buffy or playing video games or even just lounging around in the same room, there's always someone there to push off of, someone there that tells you you're not alone. i don't think i've ever taken her or our relationship for granted, but losing her for a night demonstrated how well we fit.

Comments

[captain-grim.livejournal.com]

i get lonely when jess goes to the gym for two hours.

i know how you feel...